I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
