I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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