It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
