Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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