i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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