Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
