Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
...so i touched it.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
