we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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