so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Randomize
