How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
