i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Randomize
