he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
