The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize