Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
