did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
