You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
