Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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