If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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