I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
