you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
