Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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