Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
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