i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
