Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I've blown a few things in my day
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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