So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day