every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.