If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.