In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
it hurts more in the daytime
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays