and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
