I am in a vortex of obligation.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
