Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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