Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
not ubering you a puppy
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
