guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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