Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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