If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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