These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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