$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
