Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
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