woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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