im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
