Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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