At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
