There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
