Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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