What did we do last night that was yellow?
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Randomize
