I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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