he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
