Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I'm passing your future prison.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
