the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
