So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I'm having to shit out rocks
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
