Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
