don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
