I feel like abortions should bother me more
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
