This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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