When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
whose parrot is this?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
