Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
