final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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