the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
