She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
