Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
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We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
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I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
The Olympian is in my bed
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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