Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
