I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Randomize
