There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
