i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
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You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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