I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
