So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
