so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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