I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
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Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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