I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
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