Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
All I want is dick and wine.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
