Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
