so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
