I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize