I am puke
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
