you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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