there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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