I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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